is there never an end to it? it plagues me all the time. i call myself a worrier. i worry that i have created a new worrier, davis. i worry about everything from illness to college funds. i fret over the big and the small.
right now silas is not well. he has an ear infection in both ears which we are waiting to see if it clears up on its own. i worry that he’s had it for a long time and it’s gone unnoticed by me. my dad wears two hearing aids which he has needed since he was very young. i worry that since silas isn’t saying words, that he is having trouble hearing.
i worry about davis too. i worry that i am not an attentive enough mom. i worry that i scold him too much. i worry about his future, will he be a follower?
then there’s the cumulative worry for both of them. it’s constant, daily. i worry that i should be at home with them instead of working even if it is only part time. i worry that i am not feeding them the right things. i worry that i don’t read to them often enough or do enough creative things with them. i worry about college funds and music lessons.
it’s overwhelming. it keeps me up at night. i say this as i am here writing at 1:39 AM.
i worry because i worry.
worry is a form of fear, distrust. it is sin. the dictionary actually says it is to torment oneself with cares and anxieties. a perfect definition – probably written by a worrier. it is torment…
the only solution, remedy, comfort is laying my cares upon Him. trusting that his plan is greater than mine. coming to understand that worry will not add one single hour to my life.
it’s during these times of worry that i find rest in phillipians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus