Everything Stands Still

Last week, I went to the dermatologist for a routine yearly exam. He looked me over and didn’t find anything to be concerned about. I pointed out a mole just below my rib cage on the right side and said that I was a little worried about it. It wasn’t big or irregular but just a little dark. I really hadn’t noticed it until the week before, so I am not sure if it was new or had just escaped my attention. He said he didn’t think it was anything to worry about, but biopsied it only because I was concerned. Well, fortunately, he made the right decision. Last night at around 8 PM, the dermatologist called me to let me know that that little insignificant mole is melanoma. There is some disagreement among him and his colleagues as to whether it has spread into the dermis, the layer just below the epidermis. So, next Thursday, I am scheduled to go in and have a larger area removed in hopes that the melanoma will be gone.

When he mentioned melanoma it was like the whole world stopped, like everything was standing still. Everything except my spinning head was motionless. In a moment, my mind went to all the worst possible places, what if it’s worse than he thinks? is this the way i am going to die? am i going to get to see davis grow up? am i going to be plagued with this cancer for the rest of my life?

I am prone to over reacting. I am a pessimist. I recognize this about myself. So, what I would like is prayer for complete and total healing, but also prayer for peace so that my mind doesn’t completely take over.

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