Everything Stands Still

Last week, I went to the dermatologist for a routine yearly exam. He looked me over and didn’t find anything to be concerned about. I pointed out a mole just below my rib cage on the right side and said that I was a little worried about it. It wasn’t big or irregular but just a little dark. I really hadn’t noticed it until the week before, so I am not sure if it was new or had just escaped my attention. He said he didn’t think it was anything to worry about, but biopsied it only because I was concerned. Well, fortunately, he made the right decision. Last night at around 8 PM, the dermatologist called me to let me know that that little insignificant mole is melanoma. There is some disagreement among him and his colleagues as to whether it has spread into the dermis, the layer just below the epidermis. So, next Thursday, I am scheduled to go in and have a larger area removed in hopes that the melanoma will be gone.

When he mentioned melanoma it was like the whole world stopped, like everything was standing still. Everything except my spinning head was motionless. In a moment, my mind went to all the worst possible places, what if it’s worse than he thinks? is this the way i am going to die? am i going to get to see davis grow up? am i going to be plagued with this cancer for the rest of my life?

I am prone to over reacting. I am a pessimist. I recognize this about myself. So, what I would like is prayer for complete and total healing, but also prayer for peace so that my mind doesn’t completely take over.

Boogie Part 2

Davis finally got to take his boogie board to the beach on Saturday. Just moments prior to actually taking it to the beach, Davis practiced riding imaginary waves on the couch. He had me sitting on the couch, holding the boogie at just the right angle while he positioned himself strategically on the arm of the couch. While I waited holding the boogie, he said ready, set, go! at which point he jumped from the arm onto the boogie board and surfed these faux waves. By the time we were ready to head to the beach, he had mastered the art of surfing – in his mind anyway.

When we arrived at the beach, Davis immediately ran to the ocean, threw his “surfboard” in and attempted to stand on it, just like he practiced. However, the ocean wasn’t as skilled as Mommy at holding the board steady. He fell off. After several attempts, he finally decided to just throw the board out into the waves and stand at the edge waiting for it to float to him. He did this for quite some time. Eventually, he learned that surfing in the actual ocean takes a bit more skill than he has at the moment. Finally Tracy and I convinced Davis to lay belly down on the boogie board and let us pull him through the 2 inch deep water. He laid down and held on for dear life as I ran up the beach pulling him along behind. He loved it – the speed, the water splashing, the excitement of actually riding a boogie board (even though he wasn’t standing up like he had imagined he would be).