A word on pregnancy…—
My pregnancy has been really pleasant so far. I have 5 days left before my due date and I still cannot complain. My toes and fingers do not look like sausages, my nose has not doubled in size, and I don’t have that miserable “get it out of me” feeling. I dare say, I can understand why some women choose to have more than one child.
On this evening, 5 days before Davis is scheduled to come, I am feeling emotionally raw. It is occurring to me now more than ever that our lives are really going to change and we have no way of being prepared for it. I sit and think about how this could be mine and Tracy’s last evening of solitude together. How, in the very near future, our lives will revolve around a little person who weighs less than the teacher bag full of books I lug up and down the stairs each day. I feel like our time together is slipping away and I cannot stop it from happening. I know things will never be the same.
Everyone says that when the baby comes, you will truly know love. I cannot fathom it. If I can love someone more than I love Tracy, then that is going to be very difficult. There have been many evenings when I have worried about Tracy getting home safely. I have even refrained from asking him to go to the grocery store out of fear that something could happen between our house and Wal-Mart. There have been rare occasions when he has had to board a plane without me. That has reduced me to sitting by the phone waiting for him to call at each layover point. So, if having a baby is going to make me feel a love I haven’t known before, then it just may be too much. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep at night.
Today I have gotten out of the house so that I could walk and hopefully get gravity on my side. Davis has tossed and turned and rolled and kicked and punched all day long. Tracy has been doing push ups so that he can be physically prepared for Davis when he arrives. I wonder if Davis is doing his exercises, preparing physically for life outside the womb. For the past month or so, I have been worried about the physical aspects that motherhood would bring. But, as the last days of pregnancy wind down, it is the emotional that I’m sure I’m not fully prepared for. So, as Davis and Tracy do their physical workouts each day, I ponder how it is that I can prepare emotionally—pray, write, read, even take walks, it all helps, though I know that once that little person arrives, all my emotional workouts will be for naught, for I know that this new little person will utterly steal my heart.