Tomorrow begins my 34th week of pregnancy. It’s so hard to believe that Davis could make an appearance anytime now. I’m not real certain that I am ready, although Tracy seems very ready. He wants to see what he looks like. I feel a little fear and trepidation because I am the one that has to birth this person. I am also a little anxious about all the changes that are going to take place. For me, change is a huge dilemma. I don’t like it. I like to be able to know what’s coming so that I can prepare for it. But having a baby… I’m pretty sure there’s no way I can prepare. Reading books, getting weekly pregnancy newsletters and attending classes has not really been that reassuring. It seems that the more I know, the more nervous I am.
Tracy and I had a conversation about how you don’t really remember pain. I can remember smells and tastes and pleasurable things, but pain somehow escapes me once it’s over. I guess God designed us that way. If he hadn’t, we’d all be only-children I suppose. If I could recall pain, I could at least, maybe, prepare myself for contractions and stitches healing and all that, but I can’t. Last week was a long week at work for both of us and as we stood in Wal-mart on Thursday evening, trying to decide what to have for dinner, I could feel myself getting very frustrated. Tracy was frustrated too, but he was trying to maintain a level of calm. We both were exhausted. When Tracy looked at me and said, “I’m tired,” I responded, “we don’t really know what tired is just yet.” I’m really afraid we are going to be so tired and grumpy and cranky and weepy that we are going to explode on each other. I know we’ll get through it all and we’ll adjust, but the idea of it all is a bit frightening.
Despite all the worry and anxiety, I am enjoying this part of my pregnancy. My belly is BIG and I can tell that Davis is growing. He is so active. He squirms and kicks and flips almost constantly. The feeling of life inside is incomprehensible. I am enjoying chocolate pop-tarts and tall glasses of ice cold milk every morning. Davis enjoys this meal too.
Last week I saw the midwife and she thinks that Davis is in position and will be arriving earlier than they first thought. The new expected date is somewhere around mid-October. In a week and a half, we get a final ultrasound to make sure everything is in place for the arrival. Tracy and I are so excited that we get to have another glimpse of the life that we managed to create. If the midwife is right, we only have about 4 more weeks till we all get to say hello and see him in person. Until then…