In a week and a half we leave for New York City!!!! NEW YORK CITY??? Yep, that’s right.
Tracy has been to the Big Apple before, but I never have. I cannot wait to experience the city lights, the culinary extravaganza, and just the excitement of being in a new place. Whenever we visit a new locale, I find that I always want to move there. I don’t know what it is, but there is this draw to pack our belongings into the Civic and start anew. This even happens sometimes on Sundays when I visit my dad in Loris. It doesn’t really matter if it’s the city or the country. Depending upon where we are, I characterize myself as a city girl or a country girl. Maybe it’s an identity crisis.
Speaking of crisis…I was suddenly hit the other day with a flood of emotions. I think I have handeled the whole pregnancy surprise with grace. I have been excited beyond belief, have not been sick, have not stopped doing the things I have always done, have not been an evil, dramatic pregnant lady, and have not let my emotions get the best of me. I dare say that I have even loved being pregnant and thought about just staying pregnant for the rest of my 30’s. But for some reason, the other day, I realized that I was over halfway through my pregnancy and that soon there would be a new little boy added to our family.
I was running around the house trying to get everything cleaned up before Jeff and Rhonda came over for dinner when all of a sudden reality hit. Tracy and I will never be alone again. I have said this on previous occasions, but never has it impacted me like it did on this occasion. Then I started thinking – we’ll never be able to just go on vacation again without worrying about our child. Next it was, oh my goodness if I choose to be a stay at home mom, who will I be. I never realized pre-pregnancy how much of my identity was tied to my job. As a matter of fact, I have complained for 8 years about my job and the stress that it creates, but looking back, I must admit there are aspects of my job that I absolutely love. Then I thought about how we would never be able to just rush out of the house. We’d have to dress the baby, feed the baby, pack the diaper bag, etc., etc. Finally, to top it all off, my mom’s death happened on July 2nd – 3 years ago. Dates don’t usually make me get emotional – I am not even bothered on Mother’s Day – It’s usually random days that get me. But, on this particular day, it hit me that my mom would not know her grandson, nor would Davis know her. So, I think I cried the entire time that I was cleaning the house. Just when it would stop, I’d have another thought and bam – the flood would begin again.
I’ve read tons of pregnancy articles about how it’s a good thing that we have nine months to get adjusted to the idea of a baby. That’s so true. Tracy and I have spent the last 8 married years and 4 before that just having each other. I guess I have been looking at that as a disadvantage. How could we possibly know how to live with another person added to the duo? But, how lucky for Davis that he is going to have parents who are best friends and know so much about each other. Despite all the emotions and worries, I am really looking forward to being a mommy and to Tracy being a daddy. What an awesome adventure we’re going to have.